Back in the day...

I sent a request to permanently delete my Facebook account, and this is the only thing that I've saved from it.

"i will never admit this again and if you tell anyone, i will deny it. i think you're a really cool person who is genuinely not afraid of putting yourself out there, even though it means having people say mean things about you (sometimes). I really admire you as a person who lives life happily and is comfortable with herself enough to do those quirky things."

I won't say who wrote this, but I can only say that this message, almost two years old, has taken me back a few steps.

I really miss the girl who is in all of these pictures. She wasn't afraid to be herself and speak her mind, and did as she pleased no matter what anyone else thought. She was comfortable with who she was.

I guess somewhere along the line I lost that girl, and slowly became the polar opposite. I don't want to care about what other people think anymore. I want to feel comfortable in my own skin, and I want all these insecurities to vanish. I'm tired of the social norm telling me how to live.

Today I finally quit the band. The idea of leaving had been hanging over my head because I couldn't handle it with everything else going on, and I wasn't really having fun playing anymore. I have to admit, for the past few weeks I had been depressed. Almost every night when I was by myself I would cry until my eyes were dry. I was dreading meeting up with Suzette to tell her, but it was a lot easier than I had thought. She had told me that she saw it coming and said I had to do what I needed. We ended up talking a lot more, and the best words of advice came out of our meeting at Starbucks. "It's your life, Caresse, and no one else's ."

I'm going to find that girl in those pictures, and I'm going to be happy.

P.S.

Looks like I'm not the only quirky one in the
family.